* By Helen and Phil Kornick
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These are trying times for couples. But all of us can learn from other couples' journeys through romance and misery, to recovery and healing. Here's our story:
When we first met, we felt at ease, and excited. And within 10 months we were married. Phil loved to cook, and Helen loved to entertain. We were happy and intended to enjoy our lives together for many years.
But life strikes and challenges begin.
Shortly after our fifth anniversary, Helen was in a major car accident while pregnant with our second child and was unable to work for over a year, she was laid up in a hospital bed in the living room with no way to care for our 3-year-old daughter, Heather, or help pay the bills.
Financial stress was tough. Living with a spouse in pain and fear while pregnant was unbearable to explain.
All the stress and pressure took a toll on us financially and personally. An involuntary silence fell between us. We couldn’t function. We were emotionally and physically numb.
This feeling of numbness was like living under anesthesia all the time. We felt overwhelmed with bills, taking care of the kids, with no one to turn to.
We had to learn how to rebuild our relationship and here is what we learned:
1. Mental health issues need professional help.
2. Avoidance and silence are barriers to intimacy and trust. Healthy marriages address concerns of intimacy openly with open, honest, and affirming daily communication.
3. Solvable problems require communication and commitment to the solutions, while unsolvable problems require acceptance of things beyond our control.
After realizing all that, we decided to go to various trainings. With supportive programs, we also developed Tikkun Habriet ⎯ repairing of the covenant.
In spite of all the hardship we went through, we were able to resume our happily married life.
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* Helen and Phil Kornick have been married 35 years as of May 2020. Helen has a BS in Applied Economics and a master’s in special education and certified as a Behavior Learning Specialist and certification as a Trauma-Informed Care Teacher from Hope4 the Wounded. Helen works with high school students with severe and profound emotional and behavioral disabled teens in a therapeutic school setting. Phil has an MBA and works as an IT project manager and scrum master. They have been volunteering with marriage recovery programs since 2007 and launched their own non-profit Tikkun HaBriet in 2018. The Kornicks bring their hearts into each relationship they are entrusted to nurture. Their vision is to create communities of healthier and resilient relationships and marriages.
Please reach out to them with any relationship issues and find the hope to give your marriage/relationship another chance.
For more information, contact Phil and Helen Kornick at 847-290-1880 or info@TikkunHaBriet.org , or visit TikkunHaBriet.org .
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